Setting the Stage
I’ve been on Kauai for a little over a month now and I’m just starting to get the point of this whole excursion. For a tiny bit of background, I moved here from Los Angeles for six months with the “plan” to do a total reset on my life. New location, new habits, new name even! And then just let the Universe take me wherever it leads after this time is up. Sounds so free, right? Oddly, I also heaped a lot of expectation onto my time here. You’ll probably laugh, but I came here thinking, “Ah, I’ll finally be somewhere peaceful, so I’ll be able to be SO productive.” Launch a new business, finish those creative projects that have been on the back burner, and on and on… the ideas of all I would accomplish could fill up notebooks.
It turns out the island had other plans… Almost as soon as I landed, I could feel an internal war being waged between the piece of me that picked up productivity and being the classic overachiever as a way to stay safe in my chaotic, fucked up childhood and another, younger, much more vulnerable piece crying out for nurture, safety and freedom. The chance to just be. To follow the flow. To somehow come HOME to the truth that I deserve to be on this planet, not because of what I do, but simply because the Universe created me and put me here right now. Have you ever felt a longing to go home, but not to a physical location? Simply the home of your own BEING. Not doing. BEING.
So, I’ve watched myself spin… It’s fascinating how hard it has been for me to slow down since I arrived on arguably one of the most lush, nurturing places on this spinning ball of magic we call Earth. I’ve wrestled with it, and yet, the island Herself has been unwinding my own spinning ball of frenetic energy inside that kept me running my whole life. Because standing still certainly didn’t feel safe… and even more, if I didn’t develop the ability to be in the future and see what was coming I was at risk of being sideswiped by real danger at any given moment. Maybe you can relate to living on high alert all the time… it’s exhausting and soul-sucking.
What is Magic?
Which brings me to the question of this little piece of contemplation… where did the magic go? First, let’s explore “what is magic?” Miriam herself defines “magic” as the “use of means believed to have supernatural power over natural forces.” A quick google search of the etymology of the word magic shows it originated from the Persian ‘magush’ which means “have power, to be able.” Interesting. Both of these point to a type of power to influence the world around us. To create the desired result in our lives or in our surroundings. When I think of magic, immediately images of Gandalf, Galadriel and Moraine from Wheel of Time rise to the surface of my mind and that kind of power feels distant and impossible. Of course, I also think of the wicked witch in tales like Snow White or Cinderella… unfortunately, those characters point to the absolute terror our culture has had about women who have power and ability and heaven forbid, use it. But that’s another article…
For now, let’s run with this idea that magic is akin to the empowerment to influence our world and cause circumstances or natural elements to line up the way we desire. I don’t know about you, but most of the time I feel anything but magical. I often feel like I’m stumbling through life trying to follow the rhythm as the cosmos ping-pongs me back and forth on the tennis court of evolution and what it all means. Looking for warnings, portents or some sign from the Universe that shows me which way to go. Now, you can chalk this up to my trauma, but what I’m beginning to see is this may just be the human condition. How many of us feel disempowered, slightly confused and like we’re trying to catch up? And it isn’t just a passing emotion. It’s like these thing that lives within us at a cellular level. Hello, intergenerational trauma.
Maybe you see the resonance of this “chasing my tail” kind of feeling to the need to be able to see into the future I mentioned before. As though I could predict what was going to happen and keep Armageddon from raining down on my shoulders. Here’s where it gets interesting for me, this contemplation on magic and where it’s hiding…
Magic Suppressed
I read something fascinating the other day from a Hawaiian wisdom keeper named Ke’oni about our “fall” from grace to the mess we see now. He shared a perspective from Hawaiian mythology… Our descent began when man was tempted by free will to begin looking into the future, instead of seeing this now moment. Slowly, we became bored with the here and now and wanted something else. Existential angst, anyone? What’s more, this started our descent into a belief that our reality can be controlled and, let’s be real, needs to be, which disconnected us from Nature and to this day, keeps us from being touched by life. Ouch. But feels accurate, no? (I’m paraphrasing. If you want to dive deeper, check out his website here.)
I believe we all carry a cellular memory of what it felt like to be human before this “Fall.” To be clear, I’m not talking about the Garden of Eden story. After spending almost forty years in the Church and feeling guilty for my predecessor eating that damn apple, I’ve come to see a myth concocted to create fear of our desires (really our sexuality) and a loss of our inherent divinity. Again, another article… but still, l think we can all agree that we are not the luminous light beings we once were. There’s too much evidence that we once lived in DEEP harmony with our planet, with our environment and somehow through this connection, we were “magical.” Ancient Egyptian, Mayan and Celtic cultures all show a people inhabiting a world where magic was woven into the everyday fabric of their life… simply part of what it meant to be alive. For them, it was more common to have magic than not to, but over the centuries, that magic all but faded from our world… BUT! It’s making a comeback.
There’s also something I feel is lacking from Ms. Webster’s definition of magic, and maybe even the Persian root word… the connection with Nature, our environment and the here and now. They both imply this power over dynamic… We’re so incredibly steeped in the idea that we can manipulate our future or the world around us that even the definition of something that all traditions point to coming from being deeply connected to these “natural forces” carries the taint of this desire to dominate rather than partner. Can you feel it?
If it’s true that our descent began with the fateful decision to begin looking to the future rather than living in the present, then it would stand to reason that was also the origin of our loss of magic. This was when we started building cities and developed agriculture… a way to take from the Earth and store up reserves for the future just in case She shortchanged us next winter. Control. No longer were we partnering… we were extracting. And we can see where that got us…
Hiding in the Now
I guess what I’m saying is this. I’m starting to believe magic is hiding in the present moment. It always has been. And that’s how we lost it… we started living in the future and left the here and now. The TRUST of Nature and the Universe. Most of us have been stuck in the what if’s, the projections and the desire to build something to protect us just in case life screws us over. Okay, I’ll just speak for me. I know that’s how I’ve been living and it’s not very magical. It’s calculating, full of dread and totally boxes me in. But when I let go of the death grip I have on life (which I’m just starting to play with since I’ve been here,) stop seeking and let the Goddess and Nature lead me through deeply listening to my intuition and the environment around me, that’s when I start to feel the salty sweet tingle of magic on my tongue. And it tastes good.
So, back to my first article and the thought that we need a generation of magicians, weirdos, witches and mystics to solve the crazy big problems we’re facing… what does it look like to stop trying to solve the problem (which is still being stuck in the future) and just be here and now? What does it look like to trust that Nature has a plan and it’s good? What does it look like to simply listen and let Her bring the solutions to us rather than seeking and straining to fix a problem that is so far outside our grasp? Even more than that, what does it look like to LOVE the world and everything in it? Yes, I mean everything. Total radical acceptance of our PRESENT moment – even letting go of the vision of a bright beautiful “someday” and simply allow Life aka Consciousness aka God, if you like that term, to take us on a ride? What kind of world would we have in a hundred years? I wonder… maybe it would be magical. What I do know is that the only way I can hold that kind of acceptance for the world is if I can hold it for myself. So that’s where I’m starting. The here and now of my own life - with a deep dedication to say YES to this moment - without fear or thought of the next - and to letting the magic unfold… wanna join me?
P.S. I wrote this article in a splendid spot overlooking the ocean with the waves crashing and the salty breeze tousling my hair… Just as I was finishing, a real-bonafide stage magician walked up and asked why I was “working in a place one comes to relax…” Enough said.
Beautiful! I really needed this reminder of practicing radical acceptance today and that the starting point is with myself.